What positive changes or realizations have manifested in your life?

 

Reflections of Forty

It’s about a month since I turned forty.  

I had to give it a little while to see if the milestone would actually sink in.  Honestly, it hasn't.  I don’t feel any different than I did a little over a month ago or six months for that matter.  I guess the old saying about being as young as you feel is true.  I sometimes catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and am surprised not to see a 20 year old college girl.

 

Yes, the grey hairs are slowly losing the battle with the brown and little creases in my face when I smile seem to have set up a permanent home there no matter my expression, but it’s all good.  I mean I rivaled my six year old when playing like a child on my birthday getaway to Universal Studios.  If I can be just as exhilarated as he was on the Despicable Me ride and just as amazed by doing pretend magic with a Harry Potter wand, then I guess age really can be just a number.  It doesn’t matter if that number can’t be counted on my hands and feet any more without using a multiplier. 

The week of my birthday I took a drive out to the Peace Pagoda in Leverett, Ma.  If you haven’t been there it’s really worth checking out, http://newenglandpeacepagoda.org/.  I didn’t plan the drive, but it was an item on my 40 by Forty list that I hadn't gotten too and it just worked out that after dropping my little guy off at school I had an hour to kill before an appointment.  So, I took advantage of the beautiful, sunny, crisp, autumn day and sat in silent serenity.  

I found myself reflecting on the list of things I accomplished in my 39^th year.  

How much joy and happiness most of them had brought not only into my life during that time, but my family as well.  I remembered little trips we took, walks or bike rides we went on together and it reminded me that it shouldn’t take a birthday milestone to make sure to carve out special time for myself and my family. 

There are a few things on the list that I didn’t get to or wasn’t able to attain and that’s okay.  I’ve made peace with them.  I’ll figure out why their importance waned in a year’s time and if they’re even something I want anymore.  Maybe I’ll replace them with new challenges.

In any event, I sat there in Leverett, surrounded by nature thinking of how quickly time goes by and how it really felt like yesterday that I had begun my year long journey and 40 by Forty List.  I’m so grateful for my life and everything that brought me to where I am today.  Four decades is a good amount of living and I’ve certainly changed many times during that period.  

Gratitude became the theme of my meditation at the Peace Pagoda that day.  It’s something I feel I’ll carry with me during this upcoming year.  Knowing many adventures still lie ahead and many life changes surely will come. 

Women are inspiring - No matter our age - Experience breeds wisdom
Share yours here:
What positive changes or realizations have manifested in your life?

The 2nd Day of First Grade for Mom

This morning I dropped my son off at school for his 2nd day of first grade.  Walking to his classroom, he was about ten steps ahead of me and seemed so confident and independent.

  

My heart strings tugged inside my chest and I instinctively held out my hand.

“JJ, don’t you want me to walk you to your classroom?”

“Nah, I got this,” he said with that impish smile I adore.

I smiled back even though my insides were in knots.  How could it happen so fast?  Just yesterday I was calming his nerves about going to a new school and today he was ready to do it on his own. 

24 hours is all it took.  Well, really six years, right?  I held on a little longer when I hugged him goodbye, and watched a few seconds more than usual before turning to leave.

On the ride home I thought about my mom friends last year and how they shared with me how their kids had grown.  The sense of independence they’d gained in first grade and how things shifted a bit in the mom, child dynamic.   Time had caught up and it was my little guy this time around. 

Wasn’t it a few weeks ago that I kissed his newborn cheek for the very first time?

It’s a happy and sad feeling to watch my son grow up.  I revel in his achievements big or small and glow with pride as he triumphs over tying his shoes or sounding out a word in a book.  He’s no longer the baby, the toddler, the preschooler, dependent on me for so much.  He’s forming his own ideas of the world and his own place within it.    

The changes aren’t easy, but as a parent they happen with our children, quickly and consistently.  Not a bad thing, but challenging and emotional for sure.  My husband and I are blessed to be the parents of such an amazing little boy and when I separate my heart from my head for a moment I can see that the confidence he had this morning going into school is just what we want for him always. 

Of course I’ll be there to support him and encourage him with a reassuring smile.  I’ll also hug him a little longer, watch him a few more seconds from afar and cuddle him for one more book at bedtime.  He’ll notice or he won’t, but I can do that because I’m his mom and no matter how independent he gets, I’m so grateful that will never change.

Looking for summer vacation fun?

Don't discount your local library.  
Read my latest article in the Western Mass edition of baystateparent.

FREE Summer Fun at the Library

Made It 7 and Raised Myself 10

   So, it’s been 10 whole days and I've stuck to my clean eating plan.  I only had to do it for 7.  I mean that’s what I wrote on my 40 by Forty list, yet here I am gladly continuing the effort. What?  

   

   I never would have thought I’d make it through a week never mind wanting to continue.  I have to tell you though, I feel great.  I don’t know if it’s a mental thing, just knowing that I’m putting healthy fuel into my body, or that these whole foods are really making a difference, but whatever the reason, I love it.  Plus, I got an unexpected gift out of this past week; I remembered I actually enjoy cooking ;-)

   

   Believe it or not I was able to get my husband on board and by default our son.  Don’t get me wrong I didn't deny my six year old the lollipop his aunt brought for him when she came to visit, but 90% of what he’s been eating has been clean.  Now, when I say clean, I’m not saying we have our own gardens, orchards and farm and picked our own fruit and veggies and butchered our own animals for meat.  What I’m saying is that we used fresh fruit and vegetables from our local Co-op and bought what else we needed from the grocery store.  Using organic whenever available.  We made sure to purchase only grass fed meats, with no added steroids and again organic when possible.  As for things like crackers and hummus, we didn't’ make our own, but read the packages to make sure there was a very short list of ingredients and that those ingredients were whole foods we recognized.  I know there are variations of what it means to eat clean, but this is my version and I think it’s a pretty good one. 

My Family’s Favorite Recipes So Far:

Jon - Breakfast Banana Split (He uses plain Greek yogurt and I use cottage cheese) - 1 Medium banana cut up - 1/2 cup cottage cheese or plain Greek yogurt - 1 1/2 tablespoons of fruit spread or jam - 1 tablespoon of peanuts & a pinch of salt.  Layer and enjoy.

J.J. – Frozen Berry Granola Squares - 1 cup whole grain granola - 2 cups fresh strawberries and raspberries - 3 cups plain Greek yogurt - 1/3 cup agave nectar - 1 teaspoon real vanilla extract. Sprinkle granola at the bottom of an 8" baking pan.  Blend remaining ingredients in blender and pour over the top.  Freeze for 4 hours, cut into squares and eat.

Tracey – Satay Chicken (I use pure maple syrup in place of the coconut sugar)

   The biggest challenge for me was making the time to plan and prepare.  At first I felt I wouldn't be able to do it, but after seriously making an effort, it really wasn't that difficult to adjust my schedule to make it happen.  Sunday afternoons are working out to be a great time for me to take an hour or so to make a menu for the week and prepare some items I can store in the fridge for a quick grab and go, healthy clean snack.  Things like hard boiled eggs, cut up veggies and portioned out nuts and raisins.  I also found a renewed fondness for my crock pot. A week’s worth of chicken can be cooked at one time and be used later to make breakfast frittatas, salads and stir fry, just a few options to name.

   

   Another pitfall I had to carefully avoid was portioning.  It’s always been a challenge for me. So, I chose to use the Weight Watchers Points program as a guide for my food intake and so far it’s worked pretty well.  The biggest difference I find now from when I've done Weight Watchers before is that I don’t find myself hungry.  I eat approximately every three hours, breakfast, lunch and dinner with two snacks in between and unless I've skipped a meal or had to push it off for some reason I really haven’t been starving at all.  This is huge for a foodie like me.

   I know I’m not reporting anything new in the world of health and nutrition, but actually taking the information and doing it is certainly new for me.  The major take away being that I really thought it would be super hard.  I’m pleasantly surprised to find out that it’s not and I’m excited to keep going and see how it continues to positively impact my life.  Right now, I feel like I have more energy and that’s been translating into more exercise and doing fun things with my family.  One of my favorites has been to cook with my husband like we used to do before we were married.  I have a feeling, spending that quality time together somehow makes the recipes come out tasting that much better.

# 32 - Eat Clean for One Week

   As I sit and contemplate the challenge I made for myself to eat clean for seven straight days as a part of my 40 by forty list I started thinking.  I had pre-planned and put this challenge on my calendar way back in February.  At that time the news about Subway using the same chemical used in yoga mats in their bread was making headlines.  During that same time I finally got around to watching the excellent Tom Hanks movie Captain Phillips which is based on a true account.  What do those two things have in common you might ask?  Not much to tell you the truth except that this thought occurred to me.  What kind of world do we live in that the rescue effort displayed by our government and how they spared no expense to save a ship’s captain held hostage by Somalian Pirates it’s nothing short of  heroic?  Yet that same government allows food regulations that make it okay for the public to ingest harmful plastic and pesticides?  Some of which are directly linked to certain types of cancers and neurological disorders.  I guess the message is no one else can harm an American citizen or we’ll come after you, but if we want to allow our own food industry to poison them well then that’s okay. 

   So, to me, clean eating sounds ridiculous.  Essentially the term is telling us that for the most part, we’re eating dirty, and it’s right.  Yuck!  How is that okay?  The norm has become eating processed food to which we have no idea of its true ingredients. 

   I won’t go on and on about big business and how everything comes down to the almighty dollar.  We all basically know that story.  I won’t even go off on a tirade about how absurd it is that we have to petition our government representatives to force companies to label GMO foods.  Mom always told me if someone wants to hide something there must be a reason, right?

   Well, yes, but instead of heading down that road, I will focus on the challenge at hand.  Item number 32 on my 40 by Forty list.  I am planning to eat clean for an entire week. 

   Fervently, for the past few days, I’ve been searching one of my favorite websites, Pinterest for clean recipes and ideas in preparation for the challenge.  The good news is I didn’t find my search to be lacking at all.  There is so much great information out there I was swimming in it before long. 

   It didn’t take much except some time and now I have 7 full days of clean meals and snacks planned out and I’m ready to tackle this item on my list beginning Monday.  Using the coming weekend to finish my shopping and do some food preparation. 

   I have to say the recipes which I will share a few of at the end of this post sound really good.  I’m fairly excited to start this challenge and I know my body will feel better as I’ve dabbled in this arena before.  My hope is that during this year in which I will eventually turn forty years old, I will finally come to terms with the necessity of food as a means to take care of and fuel my body and not as an instant pleasure.  I know seven days won’t be enough to right all the bad habits I’ve picked up over the past four decades, but it’s certainly a step in the right direction.  So, here I go to put one foot in front of the other, leaving the processed boxes and bags of unhealthy industry food behind and reaching out to local farmers and the co-op I belong to in order to cook up some real food that came directly from its source like a vine or a tree.  Imagine that.  You’d think that was the way the universe intended it to be or something, ha!

Here are a few recipes I can’t wait to try.  Clean breakfast, lunch and dinner anyone?

Slow Cooker Overnight Oatmeal

Ultimate Greek Chopped Salad

Balsamic Beef and Sweet Potato Mash

I’ll touch base next week with how it’s going.  Ya know, reading labels, using fresh produce and not eating out ;-)  I'll offer up some reviews as well as other recipes to try.  If you have any favorites to share, post them below. 

Here’s to a week of happy healthy eating everyone.

A Sprinkle or a Meet and Greet?

A bit of a controversial topic among moms. - page 22.

Celebrating baby number two ...

Halftime

   In the whirlwind that has been the end of March and now midway thru April, I stopped for a second to take a breath.  Then it hit me … it’s HALFTIME!  Six months ago I turned thirty nine.  I remember vividly because as someone who is always thinking ahead, I might as well have actually turned forty.  The big four-oh engulfed me.  It was as if I was wading leisurely along a beautiful ocean beach, not paying much attention to how deep I had actually gone when a mighty wave came crashing down upon me.  I bobbed for a bit not knowing which end was up.

 

   I know, I know, we’re only as old as we feel.  Quite honestly if that was the case I’d have no worries, as I truly feel like I’m still a teenager and often wonder how I’m trusted with so many adult responsibilities.  Like molding another human being as a mom, wow is that really happening? 

   In any event, approximately one hundred and eighty days ago I made a plan.  I empowered myself with the idea that age is a privilege, one that sadly, too many people are deprived of.  In that glass half full moment I comprised my list of 40 by Forty.  I promised myself I’d work all year on forty wonderful things to achieve before I reach that impending age.  Thru that this blog was born. 

   I have to say that my first reaction to the realization that six months had already gone by was one of panic.  In true overachiever mode I raced thru my list crossing off what I’d accomplished, hoping that the perfect ratio of twenty tasks done would appear.  It did not.  I’m actually only a quarter of the way.  My stomach turned and my heart raced as a feeling of failure arose.  Thankfully the notion was fleeting.  Looking down at the list and smiling I found myself reveling in the recent memories of things I’d already done.  Some small like enjoying a Harry Potter Marathon with my family.  Some items large like the letter writing campaign to local officials, regarding the poor state of our Health Care System.  Reviewing what I’d done, no matter what percentage, brought me back to the reason I started the process.  It’s about celebrating little mile markers all year long as a testament to my life so far.  No worries, no regrets, just a journey that happens in its own time, in my time.

   So, I sit here writing this today to commemorate halftime.  It’s a gift in itself to reflect.  These past months have given me perspective and the ability not to judge myself, but to enjoy myself.  I’ll keep putting one foot in front of the other because I can.  I’m filled with gratitude for every moment that’s led up to this and no matter the final score, I’m glad I choose to play.  The experience isn’t the same from the sidelines.

Questions to ponder:  Are you asking the coach to put you in?  

Are you watching from the stands?  

What goals are you reaching for in life? 

Is anything stopping you? 

You never know what might inspire someone else, so I hope you’ll share.

Simple Superhero

   
   Walking back from the pool while on vacation last month, JJ was a few steps ahead of me. 

    “Look mom, I’m a superhero!”   He proudly exclaimed.

   I watched him drape his towel over his head and pull it taught with both hands creating a cape.  Something he’d done many times before.  Today though, the sun happened to be at an angle that cast a shadow out in front of him.  As we walked, the shadow made it look like he was in fact a real super hero flying with his cape.  Delighted, he began to run/fly and the five minute walk back to the house became an adventure of epic proportions.

   My first instinct was to yell at him to stop running.  Visions of skinned knees ran thru my mind, but I stopped myself.  Instead, I allowed this simple moment of pleasure to envelop me along with my almost six year old.  It was pure bliss.  What a gift, that such a little thing was giving my son so much joy and how incredible was it that as his mother who adores him, I was able to experience it as well?

   A few minutes later we were back at the house and he was soon immersed in a variety of race cars, transformers and action figures, but for just a little while, life was as simple as a boy, a towel and his imagination.  It made me really think about not needing much to make life as adventurous as our minds will allow. 

    Ah, the wisdom of youth and the magic it holds for us all.

What are your Simple Superhero moments?  Post them below and follow me on Twitter @40byFortyList.

Western Mass edition of baystateparent

I was happy to be included as a part of the very first Western, Ma edition of baystateparent.  Now you can enjoy the free parenting paper throughout all of Massachusetts.  This issue gets us thinking about the warm summer months with their camp edition.  Here's my article about the magic of Camp Bonnie Brae, a Girl Scout Camp celebrating it's 95th year ... enjoy!

Camp Bonnie Brae Celebrates 95 Years of Memories

Published in Today's Recorder

Click the link below to read an article about an amazing, young, local jazz pianist.

Bradley Bartlett-Roche - 11 Year Old Jazz Prodigy

You’re An Adult, Say What You Mean

I have a pet peeve.  Okay, actually a major grievance.  It’s when people want you to do something, but won’t actually come out and say it.  Instead, they dance around or manipulate to get their want across. 

It just so happens that I found myself in one of these situations this past week while on vacation with my family.  Maybe it’s the wisdom of growing a bit older, but for once I was able to put the person in their place.  I have to say it felt pretty darn good.  Here’s what happened.

I was attending a street festival that had a live band performing.  There weren’t any assigned seats, just a free for all, set up your chairs where you’d like and enjoy, atmosphere.  My parents, sister and I found an empty spot and began setting up.  Out of the corner of my eye I could see a woman next to us having a fit.  Now normally I would apologize right away for obstructing her view during the mere moments it took to set up our chairs.  However, this woman was making such a passive aggressive fuss.  Craning her neck and flipping her dirty blond hair, shifting around in her seat, huffing, puffing, rolling her eyes thru dark rimmed glasses and making faces.  Before I could open my mouth to apologize I first had to make sure she wasn’t having some sort of seizure.  Then it dawned on me.  She was upset that we were blocking her view while we set up.  Instantly I became annoyed with her childish behavior and vowed I was not going to apologize for doing something the event allowed for and so many others were doing at that very moment.  She could still hear the music without a problem and the only view we blocked was of an unknown band singing one line of a song.  I mean really, how long does it take to set up four bag chairs?  Just as we finished and were completely out of her way she snapped.

    “Don’t you think it would be a little less crowded down there?”

She pointed toward the open space directly in front of the large stage speaker where of course, no one wanted to sit.  Without skipping a beat I retorted.

   “Sure, why don’t you head on over.”

Maybe it’s the wisdom they talk about coming with age, or maybe it’s all the boxing I’ve been doing that’s given me more confidence, but I wasn’t going to let this woman interfere with my family having a good time. Some of you may think I’m in the wrong, after all she was there first and we were interrupting her viewing experience.  The thing is though, if she had just asked us politely to move, we would have.  I probably would have apologized like I’d planned and all would have been well, no tension at all.  Instead though, this woman chose to make a childish display of annoyance, and a snarky see through comment pretending she was looking out for our best interest.   Really, is this the behavior of a grown woman?

Maybe it’s me, but I tend to think life’s too short not to say what you mean and directly ask for what you want?  That being said, if you can’t be honest and straight forward, as far as I’m concerned, don’t bother opening your mouth.  None of us our mind readers and quite frankly most of us busy moms just want to enjoy the little time we have that’s child free and not have to worry about another person’s needs.  After all, if I had wanted to deal with a ridiculous tantrum I would have stayed home with my five year old. 

Have a similar experience or think I’m looking at this all wrong?  
Post comments below or follow me on Twitter @40byFortyList.

How long is too long?

Every now and then amidst the chaos of life I look in the mirror and say to myself, “Wow, you really need a haircut!”.

I know I’m not the only mom out there who’s let a beauty ritual fall to the bottom of the priority list.  Yet, there always comes that time when my hair gets so long it doesn't even stay in a ponytail and I disgustedly look at my dry split ends and say enough is enough.  This time as I finally sat in the pumped up chair staring at the reflection of myself, wet shampooed hair hanging flat around my face, the stylist’s familiar question came.

“How much are we taking off?”

Without even thinking about it I uttered my standard response, “Just clean it up, the usual trim.” 

See I’ve had long hair ever since I can remember.  There may have been a few experimental do’s gone wrong at points in my teen years, but for the most part, as you can see in my photo, long hair has been my never changing style. Yet, as I sat for this overdue cut, I wondered about something not thought of before. 

“At what point in a woman’s life is long hair not age appropriate?  Is that even a thing or just some absurd notion popping up in the mind of a woman approaching the age of forty?”

I flashed back to my own childhood recalling my mom.  As I shuffled through memories I realized her hair started out below her shoulders and progressively got shorter as time went on.  As a matter of fact, most of the moms I remember from high school all had short hair.  One exception was a friend of mine’s mother whose silver locks flowed down to the middle of her back.  Yet, no matter how pretty, I do remember feeling it was a bit strange whenever I saw her long braid or up-do.  Was that simply because my own mother had chosen to wear her hair short or was it something more?  Perhaps it’s an unspoken societal norm.

In any event, as silly as it seems, I find myself seeking input on the subject.  As women, is there proper hair length etiquette for a certain age?  Or, is shorter hair as you age just something that happens out of necessity for the mere reason of simplifying one’s life?

I have to admit, even if there is such a rule, I’ll probably end up rebelling.  I can’t picture my hairstyle any other way than curly, mostly unmanageable and long.  Well, with the exception of it changing color to grey, but we can discuss the ‘too dye or not to dye’ issue another time.

In the mean time I’d love to hear your thoughts.  How long is too long for hair forty and above?  Post comments below or follow me on Twitter @40byFortyList.

A List Inspired Adventure

   If you read the blurb about me on this page you’ll know that I enjoy boxing.  To that end I've discovered an amazing female boxer from Turners Falls, Ma.  Her name is Sonya Lamonakis and while she’s won many fights as a female heavyweight boxer, her day job is as a teacher in New York City.  If you want to be inspired check out this video of her:

The Story of Sonya Lamonakis - Female Boxing Video

   In any event, Lamonakis had her first title fight scheduled in NYC this past November and I was determined to be there to cheer her on.  My sister, having just come off of a year filled with immense challenges, thought the event would be a great way to celebrate her triumphs and I, savoring the last year of my thirties thought the fight a great way to jumpstart my year of adventure.   We were ready to hit the road …

PLOT TWIST

The fight was cancelled. 

   Talk about disappointment.  Everything had been planned out including child care for my son and now we had no event to attend.  I can’t imagine what it feels like for a fighter to train hard for months only to have their fight canceled the day of, but my disillusionment was pretty hefty. 

   Sullen and deflated, thoughts of my normal daily routine flitted thru my head.  I saw myself making dinner, putting the frozen casserole I’d prepared for my absence back in the freezer, picking up J.J. from school and coming home to do laundry.  About to resign myself to doing just that, something caught my eye, my 40 by Forty list.  It seemed to peak out from a pile of papers, almost as if it were taunting me.  That’s when it hit me.  I realized I was framing this change in events all wrong.  I had an entire day, until late into the night to do WHATEVER I wanted to do.  My responsibilities had been pre-arranged and taken care of.  When does that ever happen?  I had pocket money from what I wasn’t going to spend on the trip to the fight.  Again, when does that ever happen?  Plus, I had my sister to spend the day with and that REALLY never happens.  I wasn’t about to waste another moment of my thirties thinking of what might have been when I could instead create what would be.

   We hit the road for NYC.  We were going there originally, so we decided to stay the course and fly by the seat of our pants.  Having grown up not far from the city and with several trips from our younger days under our belts, we knew we’d have no problem finding fun.  Off we went to create a spontaneous endeavor sure to be memorable.

   While I won’t share all the details of that day, some have been pinky sworn to secrecy between sisters, I will tell you this.  Laughter, good conversation, reminiscing our childhood, celebrating our present and looking forward to our future were just some of the musings gleaned.  We saw an amazing show on Broadway, Rock of Ages.  Appropriate for the ruminating we did.  We ate street food from vendors and took in the sights and smells of a city unlike any other.  It was a bonus experience neither of us had expected and one that we’ll cherish forever.  For me, it was proof that no matter my age, life is what I make it and sometimes great opportunity comes in the form of disappointment.  

All we have to do is keep our eyes open and recognize when it does.

My sister Jaime 

In line outside the show

Waiting for the train into Grand Central

Published Articles - January 2014

Obamacare: The Inspiring Backstory from a Valley Doc & Chubby Girl Wrap up on Page 28

Young Actors Blossom in Theater Programs page 18