Published in Today's Recorder

Click the link below to read an article about an amazing, young, local jazz pianist.

Bradley Bartlett-Roche - 11 Year Old Jazz Prodigy

You’re An Adult, Say What You Mean

I have a pet peeve.  Okay, actually a major grievance.  It’s when people want you to do something, but won’t actually come out and say it.  Instead, they dance around or manipulate to get their want across. 

It just so happens that I found myself in one of these situations this past week while on vacation with my family.  Maybe it’s the wisdom of growing a bit older, but for once I was able to put the person in their place.  I have to say it felt pretty darn good.  Here’s what happened.

I was attending a street festival that had a live band performing.  There weren’t any assigned seats, just a free for all, set up your chairs where you’d like and enjoy, atmosphere.  My parents, sister and I found an empty spot and began setting up.  Out of the corner of my eye I could see a woman next to us having a fit.  Now normally I would apologize right away for obstructing her view during the mere moments it took to set up our chairs.  However, this woman was making such a passive aggressive fuss.  Craning her neck and flipping her dirty blond hair, shifting around in her seat, huffing, puffing, rolling her eyes thru dark rimmed glasses and making faces.  Before I could open my mouth to apologize I first had to make sure she wasn’t having some sort of seizure.  Then it dawned on me.  She was upset that we were blocking her view while we set up.  Instantly I became annoyed with her childish behavior and vowed I was not going to apologize for doing something the event allowed for and so many others were doing at that very moment.  She could still hear the music without a problem and the only view we blocked was of an unknown band singing one line of a song.  I mean really, how long does it take to set up four bag chairs?  Just as we finished and were completely out of her way she snapped.

    “Don’t you think it would be a little less crowded down there?”

She pointed toward the open space directly in front of the large stage speaker where of course, no one wanted to sit.  Without skipping a beat I retorted.

   “Sure, why don’t you head on over.”

Maybe it’s the wisdom they talk about coming with age, or maybe it’s all the boxing I’ve been doing that’s given me more confidence, but I wasn’t going to let this woman interfere with my family having a good time. Some of you may think I’m in the wrong, after all she was there first and we were interrupting her viewing experience.  The thing is though, if she had just asked us politely to move, we would have.  I probably would have apologized like I’d planned and all would have been well, no tension at all.  Instead though, this woman chose to make a childish display of annoyance, and a snarky see through comment pretending she was looking out for our best interest.   Really, is this the behavior of a grown woman?

Maybe it’s me, but I tend to think life’s too short not to say what you mean and directly ask for what you want?  That being said, if you can’t be honest and straight forward, as far as I’m concerned, don’t bother opening your mouth.  None of us our mind readers and quite frankly most of us busy moms just want to enjoy the little time we have that’s child free and not have to worry about another person’s needs.  After all, if I had wanted to deal with a ridiculous tantrum I would have stayed home with my five year old. 

Have a similar experience or think I’m looking at this all wrong?  
Post comments below or follow me on Twitter @40byFortyList.

How long is too long?

Every now and then amidst the chaos of life I look in the mirror and say to myself, “Wow, you really need a haircut!”.

I know I’m not the only mom out there who’s let a beauty ritual fall to the bottom of the priority list.  Yet, there always comes that time when my hair gets so long it doesn't even stay in a ponytail and I disgustedly look at my dry split ends and say enough is enough.  This time as I finally sat in the pumped up chair staring at the reflection of myself, wet shampooed hair hanging flat around my face, the stylist’s familiar question came.

“How much are we taking off?”

Without even thinking about it I uttered my standard response, “Just clean it up, the usual trim.” 

See I’ve had long hair ever since I can remember.  There may have been a few experimental do’s gone wrong at points in my teen years, but for the most part, as you can see in my photo, long hair has been my never changing style. Yet, as I sat for this overdue cut, I wondered about something not thought of before. 

“At what point in a woman’s life is long hair not age appropriate?  Is that even a thing or just some absurd notion popping up in the mind of a woman approaching the age of forty?”

I flashed back to my own childhood recalling my mom.  As I shuffled through memories I realized her hair started out below her shoulders and progressively got shorter as time went on.  As a matter of fact, most of the moms I remember from high school all had short hair.  One exception was a friend of mine’s mother whose silver locks flowed down to the middle of her back.  Yet, no matter how pretty, I do remember feeling it was a bit strange whenever I saw her long braid or up-do.  Was that simply because my own mother had chosen to wear her hair short or was it something more?  Perhaps it’s an unspoken societal norm.

In any event, as silly as it seems, I find myself seeking input on the subject.  As women, is there proper hair length etiquette for a certain age?  Or, is shorter hair as you age just something that happens out of necessity for the mere reason of simplifying one’s life?

I have to admit, even if there is such a rule, I’ll probably end up rebelling.  I can’t picture my hairstyle any other way than curly, mostly unmanageable and long.  Well, with the exception of it changing color to grey, but we can discuss the ‘too dye or not to dye’ issue another time.

In the mean time I’d love to hear your thoughts.  How long is too long for hair forty and above?  Post comments below or follow me on Twitter @40byFortyList.

A List Inspired Adventure

   If you read the blurb about me on this page you’ll know that I enjoy boxing.  To that end I've discovered an amazing female boxer from Turners Falls, Ma.  Her name is Sonya Lamonakis and while she’s won many fights as a female heavyweight boxer, her day job is as a teacher in New York City.  If you want to be inspired check out this video of her:

The Story of Sonya Lamonakis - Female Boxing Video

   In any event, Lamonakis had her first title fight scheduled in NYC this past November and I was determined to be there to cheer her on.  My sister, having just come off of a year filled with immense challenges, thought the event would be a great way to celebrate her triumphs and I, savoring the last year of my thirties thought the fight a great way to jumpstart my year of adventure.   We were ready to hit the road …

PLOT TWIST

The fight was cancelled. 

   Talk about disappointment.  Everything had been planned out including child care for my son and now we had no event to attend.  I can’t imagine what it feels like for a fighter to train hard for months only to have their fight canceled the day of, but my disillusionment was pretty hefty. 

   Sullen and deflated, thoughts of my normal daily routine flitted thru my head.  I saw myself making dinner, putting the frozen casserole I’d prepared for my absence back in the freezer, picking up J.J. from school and coming home to do laundry.  About to resign myself to doing just that, something caught my eye, my 40 by Forty list.  It seemed to peak out from a pile of papers, almost as if it were taunting me.  That’s when it hit me.  I realized I was framing this change in events all wrong.  I had an entire day, until late into the night to do WHATEVER I wanted to do.  My responsibilities had been pre-arranged and taken care of.  When does that ever happen?  I had pocket money from what I wasn’t going to spend on the trip to the fight.  Again, when does that ever happen?  Plus, I had my sister to spend the day with and that REALLY never happens.  I wasn’t about to waste another moment of my thirties thinking of what might have been when I could instead create what would be.

   We hit the road for NYC.  We were going there originally, so we decided to stay the course and fly by the seat of our pants.  Having grown up not far from the city and with several trips from our younger days under our belts, we knew we’d have no problem finding fun.  Off we went to create a spontaneous endeavor sure to be memorable.

   While I won’t share all the details of that day, some have been pinky sworn to secrecy between sisters, I will tell you this.  Laughter, good conversation, reminiscing our childhood, celebrating our present and looking forward to our future were just some of the musings gleaned.  We saw an amazing show on Broadway, Rock of Ages.  Appropriate for the ruminating we did.  We ate street food from vendors and took in the sights and smells of a city unlike any other.  It was a bonus experience neither of us had expected and one that we’ll cherish forever.  For me, it was proof that no matter my age, life is what I make it and sometimes great opportunity comes in the form of disappointment.  

All we have to do is keep our eyes open and recognize when it does.

My sister Jaime 

In line outside the show

Waiting for the train into Grand Central

Published Articles - January 2014

Obamacare: The Inspiring Backstory from a Valley Doc & Chubby Girl Wrap up on Page 28

Young Actors Blossom in Theater Programs page 18

So, Now We'll Blame Barbie for Childhood Obesity? Really?

   Okay, part of my journey towards turning forty has a lot to do with accepting myself as I am while striving to be the healthiest person I can.  This is not only for myself, but also to set a good example for my family as well.  Guess what?  As a normal human being, I fall short.  I challenge anyone out there to tell me that at some point or other in some way, shape, or form they don't.  The key is picking yourself back up again and continuing to try.  At least that's the lesson I hope my son gleans from me.

  So, when I stumbled upon the debate over whether toy manufacturers should begin making plus sized Barbie dolls I was intrigued.  After all people, women in particular in this case, come in all shapes and sizes right?  Of course we do.  This past year I actually wrote a series about just that entitled the Chubby Girl's Guide.  It pointed out that just as with books, you cannot judge a person by his or her cover.  Complete with expert physician and health professional testimony I proved that just because someone appears to be healthy because they have a thin appearance doesn't mean that they are.  More importantly in this instance, just because someone carries extra weight does not mean they are unfit.  

  Knowing this my blood began to boil as I read comment after comment and blog after blog saying that plus sized Barbie was unacceptable.  Equating the production of a doll with this body type, to encouraging children to be obese.  Basically saying that having an overweight doll on the market tells kids to down fast food and sugar as quickly as they can for as long as they'd like.  Seriously? Am I the only one that sees this mentality to be more harmful than whatever twisted misconception these people are trying to preach?

   Why aren't we asking toy companies to not only make a plus sized Barbie (who incidentally if you haven't noticed I think is great), but to also make dolls that are more representative of who Americans are as a whole?  Isn't such a black and white take on people's appearances like the fictional body type of original Barbie versus the thick body type of plus sized, the kind of thinking that creates harmful stereotypes and discrimination in the first place?  I thought that our goals as responsible adults and parents were to teach acceptance, tolerance and respect for the many, many grey areas that come as simple results of being human.  

   As for the health and well being of our children, well I'm sorry to say that it doesn't come from a dress size.  If we teach our kids to be active and to fuel their bodies properly with the right foods then no matter their size and with a little luck they'll be happy, healthy and feel good in their skin. 

The truth is that America is made up of a variety of body types that run the gamut from what society considers thin to obese.  No one knows why each of us have these different outward appearances.  You may assume, but unless you know for sure it could be healthy diet/unhealthy diet, being active, not being active, slow metabolism, fast metabolism, good old fashioned genetics, an eating disorder and any culmination of the above.  So instead of judging good or bad, right or wrong, the only way we can benefit our children in the long run is to lead by example, do the best we can, accept each other differences and all, and when we do fall short, which I know I will, get back up and try, try, again.

   Whether toy companies decide to make dolls that represent what real people look like or not, one thing is for sure, if we respond negatively to each other's differences pretend or for real, our kids are sure to do the same.  Encouraging them instead, to welcome diversity sets them up to live successful lives and have a positive impact on their communities.  Who knows, that change may come from one little girl saving up her allowance for that plus sized Barbie at the toy store.

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